Jokes, Time for a laugh.

[The Stig]

An Irish builder employed a young apprentice. His first job was to nail weatherboards onto a shed. The builder showed him how to align, support and nail the board, then turned away to start another job. A half hour later, he returned to see how the apprentice was doing.

Some progress had been made but the builder watched as the young man reached into his nail bag, drew out a nail, threw it over his shoulder, reached in again and drove the next nail. This happened a number of times. The builder, bemused, approached the apprentice.

“What are you doing, throwing away perfectly good nails like that?” he asked.

“Some of them are no good, you see. They have the points on the wrong end,” came the reply.

“No, no, NO, lad! You keep them for the other side of the building!”

[Big Kev]

An Irish lad named Nearly Dunne moved out of home.
Every day he wrote to his mother letting her know what's going on in his life.
Then one day the letters stopped. This worried Mrs Dunne.
So after a week of no letters she hired a Private Detective to try and find him and see why there is no letters.
Nearly Dunne was planning on moving to the USA and was at the airport.
The private detective had tracked him down and had seen him go into the toilet.
The detective goes in an bangs on the cubical door and says,
"Are you Nearly Dunne?"
"yes but I have no paper."
"That's still no excuse not to wright to your mother"
:)) :)) :))

[EziTasting]

:laughing-rolling:

[The Stig]

Confessions of a hooker.
A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their 10th wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession...... before we were married I was a hooker for eight years..'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'my love, you have been a perfect wife for 10 years! and I cannot hold your past against you..
Maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade so as to spice up our sex life a bit..?'
She said, 'Darling I don't think you understood me correctly, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales .........'

[bluc]

:laughing-rolling:

[The Stig]

Nude blonde in a casino. : Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $5,000.00 on a single roll of the dice.She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."With that, she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice. Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

[RuddyCrazy]

A aussie and a maori see a bakery shop so the aussie walks and steals 3 pies without the owner seeing him. He looks to the maori and says " how's slick that one dude" where the maori says " that a typical aussie dishonest way bro" " now watch me do the same honest thing for the same result"

The maori walks in and says eh bro I want to show you a magic trick and asks for a pie which he eats, he does this 3 times and the owner asks where is the magic trick where the maori says " take a look in the aussies pocket"

[The Stig]

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. : Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[Redux]

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. : Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

we need a "like" button Stig! :laughing-rolling:

[EziTasting]

:text-+1: :laughing-rolling:

[The Stig]

Fuck that , this isn’t Facebook

[The Stig]

.

[RuddyCrazy]

Comeon Stig we don't wanna know ya eating habits :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling:

[The Stig]

Don’t tell me your not old enough to know the song :angry-banghead:

[The Stig]

For all the people queuing for McDonalds.
I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her what I'd done, As soon as i moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed.... "Thank you." obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
DON'T blow your horn and get rude! Be patient :teasing-neener:

[BigRig]

For all the people queuing for McDonalds.
I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her what I'd done, As soon as i moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed.... "Thank you." obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
DON'T blow your horn and get rude! Be patient :teasing-neener:

Ooh wow that is cold AF. I love it

[The Stig]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.'

[bluc]

Lmfao :laughing-rolling:

[Amberale]

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[Wellsy]

Love me both

Thanks for the laugh guys